1. Writing is too hard. What you’re attempting to write doesn’t come out right the first time, you say? You’re being forced to rewrite, revise, or shred draft upon draft. Dragging yourself to the laptop again and again is too taxing! Turn the job of writer over those who haven’t yet figured out there are easier things to do. Work is for suckers.
2. You don’t have time to write. Housewives are being real on some channel or another twenty-four hours a day. There’s always another level to reach on Angry Birds or a farm animal to give away on facebook. If writing is interrupting your twitter time, leave it to the people who haven’t figured out how satisfying 140 characters can be. They’ll come around eventually.
3. You’re waiting for the muse to show up. I’m sure you love the muse as much as any artist, but that love may go unrequited. If she doesn’t visit you daily, it may be a sign that you weren’t meant to be a writer. Learn to crochet afghans or bake bread instead.
4. You don’t have an MFA. Well, then obviously you’re not qualified to participate in the world of literature. It’s time to quit. Step aside, and let those who bear the burden of $150,000 student loans show you how it’s done.
5. You’ve been rejected by agents (or publishers, or journals). You are unique in this suffering. No great writer has ever suffered the pain of rejection. If you’ve been rejected by multiple sources, this is a clear sign from the writing gods that this is not your calling. Give up now.
6. Your parents say art is for trust fund babies or flakes who live in dumpy city apartments and only bathe twice a week. If the people who’ve never attempted an artist’s life said it, it must be so. Either give up bathing or give up your art. It’s your choice, but remember, city living can be scary.
7. Your writing is great, but the world isn’t ready for it.You’ve submitted your work for critique and it’s come back with foreign marks and characters all over it. The critics just don’t understand you. Your work is ahead of it’s time. So what’s the point in producing more of it? Just stop writing. That’ll show ’em!
If any of the above apply to you, it’s time to pack up your pens, power down your laptop, and clear the field for the next batch of dreamy-eyed, would-be authors.
Still interested in being a writer?
Go write something!